12 months is rather a long time — 52 weeks, 366 days and yet it always feels as if it flies past by too quickly.
I remember writing a similar/my annual post last year, which honestly feels not so long ago. In 12 months, a lot can change. I think it’s nice to reflect on the past year and see how much things have changed, whether its good or bad. It’s nice to see how you’ve grown as a person and how your life has changed. It’s almost nice to see the mistake you’ve made and to learn from them and hope that you don’t make the same mistakes again in the new year. I don’t think you should ever regret something, I believe that everything happens for a reason. But I must admit, there are some things, some situations I’ve put myself in where I think, “Jess, that wasn’t clever now, was it? That was always going to end in trouble.”
What can I say about 2016?
2016 wasn’t my favourite year to be honest. January and the whole beginning of the year was brutal. By far the worst period of my life so far. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on my worst enemy. No one should be made to feel trapped in their own home because they were so terrified of leaving the house. No one should walk down the street and have the fear of something bad was going to happen constantly lingering inside of them. No one should be made to relive the memory in their head and unable to move past it. It took me a good six months to somewhat feel normal again.
Of course, now the days are shorter and it gets darker much quicker, I do feel myself at that point where I could relapse at anytime, where if I don’t try, I could stay inside my house for the rest of Winter aside from places that I HAVE to be at. But I try my hardest to focus what I have learnt over the year, through therapy, through experience and to be brave. I just have to tell myself that I was unlucky. That I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And hopefully nothing bad like that will ever happen again, (touchwood!)
The trouble with my hand didn’t stop there as in August, I had to get the scar cut opened again and restitched because it wasn’t healing properly. It was sorta turning in on itself, which was not visually pleasing but also caused me discomfort. I have the worst skin in the world so it took a while to heal again. But finally, it’s all okay now, I am left with quite a large scar on my right hand, but I’ll get used to that…
Without being all doom and gloom, there were a few good things to happen this year. The biggest thing that I have achieved, not only this year, but I think my whole life is that I finally graduated from university. For those that know me, and have read my blog posts about university, will know that university was something I felt that I had to do, not that I wanted to do. It wasn’t what I had envisioned in my head. I didn’t find it challenging nor eye-opening. To me, it felt like an extended version of school. Obviously with the help of hindsight, if I go could back to my 17/18 year old self, I would tell myself to get an apprenticeship. Graft and work your way up whilst earning valuable experience. But as I said, everything happens for a reason, and I am glad that I stuck to it and managed to come out with a super good degree.
This was also the year where I decided to throw myself back into the dating game. I had being single for quite a while, at first it was totally by the choice of my own, but then, it was no longer my choice, but simply was the way it was lol. I’ve never been someone that has wanted or needed a boyfriend, I’m quite happy single but when all your friends are getting boyfriends and girlfriends, you often find yourself having no friends to hang out with on a Friday night or third/fifth/seventh wheeling which let me tell you is not fun at all lol. I never intentionally set out to look for a boyfriend, I think it’s one of those situations where if you force it, it won’t happen. I don’t want to name names because I’m super scared that they’ll stumble across my blog lol, but I did meet a couple guys who I saw for a bit (not at the same time!), and although it didn’t work out, I think it has taught me a lot. The biggest thing it taught me is being more mature in a relationship, in the sense that I have no bad things to say about them. I think when you’re younger and you break up with someone, it feels like the world is going to end and you over-dramatically hate on them and talk bad about them (unless they cheat on you then hate all you want gurl!) But I think as you get older, you realise sometimes things don’t work out and that’s okay.
I’ve also figured out who my true friends are. I have definitely learnt that quality friends triumphs quantity friends. I’m much happier having a handful of friends that I know have my back always, that I can rely on day and night, than friends that pop up here and there, mainly when they want something. I’ve always thought people that have lots and lots of friends where those that were winning in life, but in reality, those that have found their core five friends or whatever are the real winners.
Looking forward to the future, there are many things that I hope for. I hope that my confidence continues to grow, and that one day, my heart won’t skip a beat when someone walks behind me. I hope that I continue to be successful in whatever I do, that I have a career that makes me happy, where I genuinely look forward to Monday mornings, where I’m constantly challenged and grow in my skills, ability and as a person. I hope that I continue to have happiness in all aspects of my life, whether it be happiness in work, happiness amongst my friends and family, happiness with a boyfriend. I hope that I have good health, because what is life without happiness and health?
If I can end next year as happy as I am this year, then that would be another successful year.
P.S. Thank you for taking time reading my blog over this past year, whether you’ve read one post or whether you’ve read every single post I have written. It means a lot that you like to read what little old me thinks — Jess x
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