Are My Expectations Too High?


“Jess, maybe it’s about time I lowered my dating expectations. I think they might be too high and unrealistic?”

A lot of my friends are single and they keep coming out with this line which makes me so sad. I disagree with that statement so much. I really don’t think you should lower what you think you should have in life because you’re going through a rough, single patch (or drought as my friends keep calling it lol) or whatever. I think it’s totally okay to have expectations when it comes to dating, and here’s why…

As women, we have come so far in life in asking and going after exactly what we want. We have fought so hard to have the right to vote. We are able to gain a career in whatever we want, there’s no such thing as a ‘Man’s job’ anymore. Even today in Hollywood, there’s so much talk and debate about men and women getting equal pay. Women have never been shy to ask for what they want. Yet, we are so afraid of going after exactly what we want when it comes to a relationship.

We live in a world where we constantly expect things anyways. When you go to work, you expect to get paid in return. When you hold a door opened for someone else, you expect them to say thank you. Everything we do in life, no matter how big or small it maybe be, we sort of have expectations, we think about what’s going to happen, what the results will be, what the consequences are. Therefore, it’s nothing wrong with having some expectations when it comes to entering the dating scene.

What’s good about having expectations is that it shows what sort of person you are. It almost identifies you in some sort of way. It shows you, perhaps even subconsciously, what you want in life. When you have expectations, it shows that you value yourself – you value your time, you know what you want, you know the sort of lifestyle you want to live and exactly how you plan on achieving it. It shows that you know your worth.

It’s important to not let your expectations to take over your life. Yes, having expectations when it comes to your (the cliché) ‘life goals’ and ‘relationship goals’ but I think sometimes it’s nice to let your guard down a little bit. I’m not saying completely disregard everything you believe in, but some people are worth taking the chance. Having goals doesn’t mean that that is the path you must stick to or a path you can’t venture off. Some people tick the boxes you weren’t even expecting or you didn’t even know existed until you met them.

I guess it comes down to finding the right balance. Especially when you’re going through a rough patch, PMS days or feeling lonely, you shouldn’t think “oh shit, sod this single life, I’m gonna just get with the next guy that is nice to me” and fully throw away everything you wish for. But I think it’s equally important not to be so laser focused on this list that you almost insist in ticking off. It’s not about changing your expectations, but more so of a compromise.

Having expectations are a good thing, as I’ve said they’re a part of life. I think you should be proud of what you expect and what you like. Once you’ve realised what you want and what you’re looking for, but most importantly that you’re okay with your expectations, then you’ll notice other people around you accepting them too. After all, they too have expectations.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. jason says:

    Great post! I feel that some people should lower their expectations if they are unrealistic. I think it’s a little unrealistic to expect to date someone like Brad Pitt, when you’re only surrounded by regular guys. A good relationship only exists when both people are attracted to the qualities of each other.

    1. jessicaybl says:

      Yeah of course, there’s a fine line between a dream and something just plain unrealistic! I agree, I think you have to be attracted to their flaws too! 🙂

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